I sat pondering on what my next topic to write about and it brought me to a conversation that I had with a customer today. For those of you reading who aren’t familiar with me, I own a sex toy store. I also take customer service calls for said store. Yes, people call a sex toy store with questions…..a lot. Most people are also shocked when I tell them that 60% of my customers are men. Don’t assume they are all gay men, they certainly are not. Most are heterosexual, a lot are married and one may even have been your husband. Don’t worry, I am informative but always professional at all times. I do not want to have phone sex with your man or any others.
What do they want to know?
I get asked that question all of the time. Most of the time they want advice on a product or recommendations but a lot of the time they want to buy something for their woman. Half of those calls I tend to guide them in a better direction for her sake. At the end of the day, men really don’t know what the majority of women like. Sorry guys it’s true. Which brings me to my blog. I, and others, write a lot of “how to’s” and “how to make her orgasm” posts and articles. I decided that we would mix it up and talk about some of ways we do not want you to fuck us!
Men love this, I mean really love this. Although you may find an occasional lady who wants to 69, most of us do not. Let’s be real, we all do it but everyone knows that neither one of you is going to have an orgasm this way. Us ladies are natural multi-taskers but achieving an orgasm is one time that we want to focus on one thing, your face between our legs! Fellas, let’s be honest, you were never as good at multi-tasking as we were to begin with. Oral sex is fantastic but we want to lie back and enjoy it. We are also fairly confident that you do too. My personal opinion is the 69 was created by a man who just wanted to get more head.
Hypothetically shower sex seems great. You’re both naked and wet and warm. What’s not to like? For starters, the water in the eyes, up the nose and trying to look sexy while at the same time not slip and fall. Another thing, one would assume that since it’s wet, it will add to the moisture, right? Wrong. Even the wettest of us ladies will dry up like the Sahara desert during shower sex. And the sweat. Not only will we not likely orgasm this way, we will leave the shower hot, slightly sweaty, yet wet, with a vagina that feels like it was just rubbed up and down with sandpaper.
Having your man swoop in, pick you up and pin you against the wall sounds super freaking hot. It is, the first and probably only time you’ll do it. Other standing positions are included in this. It is not an easy feat to try to orgasm while clutching on to unsteady furniture and balancing on one leg all while trying to make sure that your penis doesn’t slip out. God forbid you get a cramp and have to switch legs. Nothing screams “you’re not 25 anymore” like standing sex positions!
Sitting On Your Face
We will do it but strictly for your entertainment. We want to lie down, relax and savor all the sensations we are feeling. Sitting on your face is just not comfortable for a lot of women and is harder for you to get to our clitoris.(The clitoris is the focal point!) Unless there is something for us to brace ourselves on, one of two things will happen. Either our hamstrings are going to be on fire or your nose is getting crushed. Well, you may even get suffocated, but let’s hope not! Your facial expression is another part of this position that we don’t enjoy. When we are lying down and your face is buried, yes, we can get a glimpse and make eye contact that is sexy and we love it! I’ll never explain it but when you look up at us while we are sitting on your face, we get a complete “deer in headlights” look from you. Maybe it is the angle but it is not sexy!
Now there are going to be exceptions to these and a woman who will love to 69 or sit on your face but the majority of ladies are with me on this…..trust me, I took a poll. This post a little blunt and times and whole lot “to the point” but there’s no reason the beat around the bush. Knowing what your women doesn’t like is just as important as knowing what she does like!